Hello, World! I am a life-long member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. My family was always active in the church and I grew up to do all the typical things a good mormon boy is supposed to do: served a mission, graduated from BYU, married in the temple, and raised my children according to the principles of the Gospel as taught by the church. Unlike some of the experiences I have read from people who have left the church, I personally have nothing but good feelings for the people I have known in the church. I have a lifetime full of good memories and few negative experiences. My family and I have been welcomed and loved by the church members in almost all the places we have lived and we have met many truly magnificent people who have had a profound and wonderful effect on our lives.
In spite of all this, I have recently had an experience that came to me un-looked-for and completely out of the blue. In a very short time, the church fell away from me. I say this because nothing obvious changed in my life or my behavior. I suddenly and inexplicably grew revolted by the constant talk of sinning and repenting. The clear line in my mind that has always separated good and evil has become much less distinct. The doctrines of the church that once seemed so solid have crumbled like sand in my mind. Many of the things I once considered vitally important now seem inconsequential. And most strange, I don't feel bad at all -- just relieved; I feel freed though I had never noticed feeling trapped.
As you can imagine, this experience has been quite disorienting to me. I have been preoccupied for many months questioning things that were, for many years, beyond question. Sometimes I am confused and feel a real sense of loss. At other times I experience moments of clarity that bring keen exhilaration and joy. This blog is my attempt to come to terms with this huge change in my life. If it helps others who are struggling in a similar way, I am glad.
At this time, I have no plans to leave the church. It would be very difficult and there are a multitude of ties that I have no wish to sever. Also, my good and faithful parents would be crushed and I have no desire to inflict that or any other pain on them. However, I am currently participating at a very minimal level and have no wish to increase that right now.
In spite of all this, I have recently had an experience that came to me un-looked-for and completely out of the blue. In a very short time, the church fell away from me. I say this because nothing obvious changed in my life or my behavior. I suddenly and inexplicably grew revolted by the constant talk of sinning and repenting. The clear line in my mind that has always separated good and evil has become much less distinct. The doctrines of the church that once seemed so solid have crumbled like sand in my mind. Many of the things I once considered vitally important now seem inconsequential. And most strange, I don't feel bad at all -- just relieved; I feel freed though I had never noticed feeling trapped.
As you can imagine, this experience has been quite disorienting to me. I have been preoccupied for many months questioning things that were, for many years, beyond question. Sometimes I am confused and feel a real sense of loss. At other times I experience moments of clarity that bring keen exhilaration and joy. This blog is my attempt to come to terms with this huge change in my life. If it helps others who are struggling in a similar way, I am glad.
At this time, I have no plans to leave the church. It would be very difficult and there are a multitude of ties that I have no wish to sever. Also, my good and faithful parents would be crushed and I have no desire to inflict that or any other pain on them. However, I am currently participating at a very minimal level and have no wish to increase that right now.
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